Author's Disclaimer
The following column (hereinafter referred to as "The Column") may contain elements of humor and/or serious commentary. The reader is under no obligation to read this product. As a voluntary user of this product the reader is advised that he/she proceeds at his/her own risk. No warranty is made or implied as to the universal appeal of elements intended as humor, or those intended as serious commentary, nor is any warranty made or implied as to distinct divisions between elements intended as humor and elements intended as commentary. Failure on the part of the reader to detect disernable differences between humorous and serious passages and/or elements shall not be deemed a defect in this product for legal purposes. Nor shall such failure be deemed to imply a defect in the reader.
The Column is written and conveyed to publishing entities in the English language. The Column should only be read as an English language document. Any similarity between the ideas conveyed in this product as an English language document and those derived from reading this product as though it were a document in any other language, living or dead, is strictly coincidental. The author cannot be held liable for misunderstandings, either of meaning or of tone, by those who attempt to read this product as though it were written in any language other than that version of the English language prevalent in the United States of America.
No warranty is made or implied as to the superiority of English for the purposes of the conveyance of the ideas represented in The Column, nor is there any warranty made or implied as to the uniform apprehension by readers of widely divergent cultural and linguistic backgrounds of the ideas contained herein. The failure of the author of The Column to offer the content contained herein in other languages or in dialect-sensitive forms of the English language shall not be deemed an attempt to demean other languages and dialects or the people who use those languages or dialects preferentially.
The author reserves the right to use polysyllabic expressions, sometimes referred to as big words. However, except in specific cases noted below all of the words used in The Column may be found in a standard collegiate English dictionary.
The use of English language forms traditionally recognized in the United States as proper forms shall neither be deemed to represent a prejudice against other prevailing regional proper or improper forms of the English language nor be deemed to represent such a prejudice against people using those forms preferentially. The author reserves the right to venture from standard English forms for expressive purposes, including, but not to be limited to:
A. Free variations in word order
B. Use of spellings indicative of dialectical variations
C. Use of nonsense words
D. Context appropriate use of foreign language words, even French
The author cannot be held liable for differences in apprehended meaning arising from any of the following:
A. Variability in skill levels among readers in the population in general, including, but not limited to; failure to learn reading, difficulty processing written material due to inattention, distraction, stubbornness, etc.
B. Defects in sight of potential readers from causes including, but not limited to; blindness, nearsightedness, farsightedness, darkness, excessive light, severe weather, failure to open eyes, etc.
C. Political affiliation
D. Legal education
Dispose of properly. Read instructions carefully. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Do not expose to temperatures in excess of 450 degrees, farenheit. Improper use of The Column may cause disorientation, nausea, and vomiting. Do not ingest. Where these limitations are contravened by prevailing law damages shall be limited to actual damages. Your use of The Column shall represent your agreement to all of the above mentioned conditions. The presence of a wide variety of disclaimers shall not be deemed evidence of sufficient legal awareness to suggest to the writer every possible necessary disclaimer. The Column may occasionally be edited for length, possibly incidentally removing necessary disclaimers, or portions thereof.
No disclaimers were harmed in the writing of this document.
